Do You Believe In Life After Relevancy?

Cher is the only female solo artist to reach the top of the Billboards in four decades, and in those 40+ years she has sold over 100 million records throughout the world. But despite this long-spanning career, how does she remain looking half her age? We forget to ask this and much more in a pulse pounding, take-no-prisoners interview for the ages.



Do You Believe in Life After Relevancy?






Cher: So… What do you want to know?

WakeUpSunday: I wanted to ask you a question that has been bothering me for the past few months.

Cher: Are you sure I’m the one who can answer such a question?

WUS: Perhaps.


*awkward silence*


WUS: Are you related to Octomom?

Cher: No way.

WUS: Touchy… Okay, now that I got that one out the way… Um…

Cher: You can’t be serious.


WUS: Wait a minute… Okay, serious question time. People who steal music. You’ve been around the block a few times, beginning your storied career in the mid-Sixties. It’s 2010. Times have changed, home girl. When you began, pirating music wasn’t as common-place as it is now. What’s your take on it? Is it stealing?

Cher: Of course it’s stealing. It takes money from the artists who have worked hard for months on end. It robs from marketing staff, song writers, producers… I think it’s rather unfair.

WUS: So the rumor that you were into… file chering…

Cher: *laughs* Are you serious?

WUS: It’s a rumor I heard online.

Cher: Most of what you hear online is not true.

WUS: This is going online, so are you saying--

Cher: You don’t sound very reliable. I stand corrected.

WUS: Next question. ‘Believe.’ One of the best selling pop tracks of all time. It was definitely your top selling single. How does it feel like to have pioneered Autotune?

Cher: …I don’t think I was the first to use it.

WUS: Well, you brought it home.

Cher: I see. Well, we thought it would add an interesting element to the song. Make it stand out even more.

WUS: I know the whole song… Word. For. Word.

Cher: So do I.

WUS: Do you feel that T-Pain owes his career to you?

Cher: Who?

WUS: Next question. You’re a pop icon for the world, but in the LGBT community, you’re a goddamned patron saint. How does it feel to know that you have so much devotion from the queer community?

Cher: It’s an absolutely wonderful feeling. I truly love my gay and lesbian fans. I feel that--

WUS: Don’t forget the transsexuals.

Cher: Yes. Of course. The trans--

WUS: And the bisexuals.

Cher: Yes. As I was saying, my… fans have supported me throughout my career and I owe it all to them for the success of my career.

WUS: I think you’re forgetting the intersexuals. And… Asexuals. And gender-queers.

Cher: Yes. It’s a very diverse community.

WUS: And the furries, I suppose. Okay. Onto a more personal question. A while back, you and… America… experienced the loss of one of our true greats. We lost Sonny.

Cher: It was a terrible feeling when I heard--

WUS: Liston.

Cher: Excuse me?

WUS: We lost Sonny Liston.

Cher: Liston?

WUS: Liston. December 30th, 1970.

Cher: I- I don’t recall--

WUS: How has the loss of Sonny Liston affected you?

Cher: The loss of Sonny Bono was a blow I could--

WUS: Liston.

Cher: … Bono.

WUS: Was that like a pet name or something?

Cher walks out

*This concludes my illustrious journalism career*